LIVING ON BORROWED TIME By Meri Ulrich Yesterday I was ten and living on borrowed time Wanting to be thirteen so very much, life would be just fine. When I was seventeen I counted the days until eighteen came along, Almost grown up, but not quite, I started each day with a song. At Twenty-one I was finally an adult, in the eyes of the law, It changed some things, from how I felt to what I thought and saw. At Twenty-nine I married my Prince and life was sweet and fine. I still didn't know as I continued to grow that I was living on borrowed time. My thirties and forties came and went and I began to understand, that youth is short and once its gone life isn't quite so grand. Fifties, sixties all passed by and I wondered what I would find, would I go on and on while living on borrowed time? Illness came and illness went; there was loss and love, I began to wonder what to expect as I prayed to my God above. Pleaase let me find the strength to care for those who were weaker than I. To have the courage and wisdom that I would need if someone I loved should die. Only one answer came forth, the one I had known that lived somewhere in my mind. All of us, everyone, with no one exempt, are living on borrowed time.

Jodi Arias......Evil Incarnate

I have wanted to write a thorough blog on this subject for months but found that for the first time in my life I was at a total loss for words. No wait, there were too many words.... I could copy the infamous Jodi and use words like "edify" or "Nay" but that sounds too pretentious for someone of my limited writing style. As I searched for the right words to describe how experiencing Jodi makes me feel I decided to just be me and tell it like I see it. Jodi Arias is now a 32 year old woman who has been jailed for the past 4 1/2 years after she was arrested and charged with the brutal murder of her on/off boyfriend (sex parter), Travis Alexander. Jodi and Travis met at a convention for the group once known as Prepaid Legal. Travis was a Mormon and eventually he babtized Jodi into the religion as well. They began a relationship that soon turned toxic for both of them. Travis, a nice guy who came from a rough childhood wanted to better himself and became a motivational speaker and a good friend to many. Jodi was an aimless young woman who was considered attractive to men and spent most of her young life searching for a permanent relationship (according to her). During police interrogations with her parents there emerged much more than meets the eye regarding who Jodi was. There is evidence (according to both of her parents) that Jodi was suffering from a serious mental illness and they were aware of it since she was a child. Her Father called her "Strange". Help may have been offered to Jodi for her problems, but none was accepted. Travis was a very conflicted young man and had a deep desire to experience sex although the Mormon Church is firm in it's belief that "Chastity" is necessary in all areas of sexual behavior. Travis was fighting a losing battle and he gave in to his desires. Although he fought hard to overcome these behaviors, in the end, he lost the battle as well as his life. Jodi and Travis soon found that they both enjoyed certain sex acts that may be considered kinky but are practiced by many people on a regular basis. At any rate, it was sex between two consenting adults and there was nothing illegal or deviant about their behavior. The problem was that it was absolutely deviant in their religion and this made the relationship extremely toxic for both of them. It is my opinion that Jodi was the enticer (seductress) and that it was she who introduced Travis to anal sex in order to convince themselves that they weren't violating the rule of chastity. Evetually they went "all the way" and had full on sexual relations including the forbidden vaginal sex. Travis and Jodi were addicted to one another and neither of them could escape their desire for one another. I doubt that love had much to do with how they felt for one another even though Jodi professes her undying love for Travis in her many Journal entries. I would substitute the word "Obsession" for love where it applies to Jodi and the word "Addiction" where it applies to Travis and his feelings for Jodi. For proof that Jodi was "Obsessed" I would refer to those who claim that she slashed the tires of Travis's vehicle on more than one occasion, hacked into his various accounts such as email, etc and wrote threatening letters to his female friends. She also cornered a woman who was a friend of Travis's in a hotel bathroom and acted in an ominous, threatening way toward her. Jodi crawled through the doggy door at Travis's home and spied on him when he entertained other women. The above actions certainly fit the description of "Obsession" and "Stalking", a word that many who knew them used to describe Jodi's behavior. I could go on and on about the personality traits of both Travis and Jodi and the circumstances leading to that fateful day in June, 2008, but you can read about them on the Internet so I will go straight to my impressions of Jodi Arias as she sits on trial for first degree murder and a possible death penalty outcome. Many of us have been watching a very long, colorfull trial filled with characters that seem to be coming from the pages of some fantastical fiction novel. The trial has dragged on and on and on and most of us viewers are weary and disgusted with what's transpired. Let me say that a lot of lying and posturing has been going on and after awhile it's hard to continue subjecting oneself to the tedious sameness of Jodi's alleged "Foggy" memory and her obviously false story of what really happened on the day that she slaughtered Travis Alexander. Before I go into how I feel about Jodi, I want to let those who are unaware of the circumstances surrounding Travis's death know that Jodi, a five',6" woman weighing approximately 120 pounds stabbed Travis, a 5'9" man weighing approximately 189 pounds, 29 time (nine stab wounds in his back and head alone), many more into his chest severing his Vena Cava, and slitting his throat from ear to ear. She shot him in the head for good measure when she was through with her stabbing frenzy leaving behind a blood soaked area that extened from his bathroom all the way to the entrance of his bedroom. She also left lots of evidence behind, planned a cover-up by disposing of the gun and other items and leaving a voice message for the now dead Travis. She lied about being at the scene of the crime when questioned by the police and then added a new wrinkle to the story by insisting that two ninja-like intruders did the deed leaving her to escape and live. In the end, Jodi finally decided to cop to killing Travis in self defense accusing him of being am abusive boyfriend who choked, kicked and slapped her. He called her names according to her and threatened to kill her on the day of the murder when she dropped his new camera, thus, the need for Jodi to kill Travis in such a brutal manner. I often wondered how she could claim self-defense when stabbing a man in the back, but Jodi doesn't seem to need reality to make her claims of being a battered woman. Speaking of being a battered woman, Jodi's defense expert is full of bloated Alyceisms (Alyce LaViolette). We have traveled through a Disney version of whether or not Snow White was a battered woman to the nightmare reality of the Brother's Grimm and still there is absolutely no proof that Jodi was battered except for her own lying words and Journal entries. What I first saw when I glimpsed Jodi Arias was a pudgy faced, overly made-up woman who constantly grinned at the people interviewing her while using a vocabulary that would surely impress any Professor of English at some second rate college. It sounded to me like Jodi had spent her time behind bars memorizing the dictionary but failed to pronounce many words correctly in the end. She "Edifys" and "De-Edifys" (no such word exists and the correct word is Dis-edify"), but Jodi missed that one in her attempts to appear smarter than the way above average bear. She has failed miserably in my opinion. Jodi is definiely smart but in a cunning, sly, frightening way.....not in an intelligent conversational way. I have studied sociopathy for a long time due to circumstances that I experienced as a much younger woman. Yes, I was once a battered woman caught up in the battered woman's syndrome and unable to escape for almost ten years. When I did, I slept for the first time without fear and I took a deep breath and felt like I had been released from a nightmare. I NEVER, EVER once thought of returning to my batterer and made sure that I was able to remain free. It became my main priority after my children. I was free for life and that was one of the biggest moments of my life. That is not to say that I forgot what had happened to me...I still have nightmares on occasion and over forty years have passed since the experience. Jodi, on the other hand got away from her alleged batterer and chose to keep coming back for sex even though she had put hundreds of miles between them. It is my opinion that Jodi was the abuser in this relationship and that she eventually killed her prey. Boiled bunnies anyone? Let me begin with Jodi's physical appearance as she sits next to her lawyers or on the witness stand. Jodi gives me the sense of having extreme strength for some reason. She has large hands and feet and looks solid even though she is slim. When I look at Jodi's hands I can visualize the knife that she used to stab Travis so many times within their grasp. Her eyes are black....they look like two holes with nothing behind them. They are frightening and empty. If the eyes are the window to the soul...she doesn't have one. She laughs, smirks, cries and often mirrors her female attorney as if she has no emtions of her own and needs to mimic human beings in order to pretend to be one. That sounds a bit drastic, but I honestly feel that Jodi Arias is not a human being in the sense that most of us recognize humans. Her behavior is not human and certainly what she did to Travis is not human. The desire to over kill, the rage and the strength that it took to accomplish what she did was definitely super-human. Maybe I should say super-evil because Jodi strikes me as pure evil. Something that one has nightmares about....a bogey man, a monster that you imagined was hidden under your bed when you were a child. A demon who possesses an innocent and wreaks havoc in it's wake. I have actually felt fear while observing Jodi even though I am watching through a television screen. The fact that she is currently near the city where I reside is frightening. The fact that she is allowed to exist and that there is a chance that she might walk free someday is even more frightening. Jodi Arias is not your average defendant in a murder case. She is not your average anything in my opinion. Jodi is evil incarnate and I know that I won't rest until I hear the word guilty of first degree murder. There is so much more that I could write but I have to admit that just putting words on my screen is upsetting to me and makes me uneasy. This is what I have always imagined it would be like if I came face to face with the devil or that monster from my nightmares. I sweat, I get a headache, I need to look away.....maybe even pray. For the sake of Travis Alexander's family and everyone else on the planet I say a prayer that Jodi will be locked up forever (or given the death penalty). It may be a strange thing to pray to God about but I feel that God knows what she is and that he just might listen to my prayers.

I wanted to share this with everyone who read my previous blog about my son's hair loss and restoration process.
Female Hair Loss Solutions
By Erica Schramm

Hair grooming is an important part of a woman’s personal style, and the experience of dealing with hair loss can be devastating. For many women, this can result in severe loss of self esteem and mental anguish. Many sufferers hide the condition due to shame. Victims often suffer from a reduced quality of life and difficulties in working because they refuse to be seen in public. That's one reason why so many women panic at even the thought of losing a few hairs down the drain with each shampoo.
Those fears are not uncommon, as each year more women are forced to come to grips with the possibility of serious hair loss. According to the American Academy of Dermatology, it's a growing problem, affecting some 30 million women in the United States -- with an estimated 40% percent of all women experiencing some forms of loss occurring before the age of 40.
"I have seen women as young as 15 or 16 develop hair loss problems -- it's not common, but it's also not that rare," says Lisa Zimmerman, president of National Hair Centers in Phoenix, who specializes in the treatment of female hair loss. "It’s important not only to offer women the most effective hair loss solutions available, but also to understand the emotional toll that also goes with hair loss. That’s why at National Hair Centers, we strive to provide a safe, supportive, and nurturing environment for women to explore their hair loss options.”
Today, many options are available for women experiencing hair loss. The three most common techniques include surgical hair transplantation, non-surgical solutions and hair retention methods. Professional hair restoration centers are the recommended places to visit that offer these services of hair replacement and augmentation custom suited to a woman’s unique lifestyle.
The most popular of the three methods women of all ages prefer is the non-surgical solution. The hair systems that are now available are virtually undetectable. Two new hair loss solutions women are choosing include VIRTUESSE by Virtual Reality and Follea.
VIRTUESSE by Virtual Reality was originally developed for Hollywood actresses. This particular custom women's hair loss solution is so fashionable, so real, and so undetectable, it's utilized by stars, directors and stylists in Hollywood. It is literally undetectable to the human touch and has been featured on news and makeover shows from coast to coast! This is done through an amazing technique involving the application of an invisible, non-degradable, synthetic "layer of skin" called Dermalens™, into which genuine hair, compatible in color, texture and length is inserted. The results are a virtual cosmetic miracle-hair restoration that instantly revives your youthful appearance and looks completely natural.
Another popular solution that was originally created for runway models is Follea. Follea offers a collection of beauty wear, custom hair, natural hair extensions and other added hair systems for women. All of the solutions begin with premium hair and high quality replacement systems that are hand-crafted by artisans from the finest quality hair selected by European sources. The result, what many people in the industry refer to nature’s most beautiful hair!
The two other techniques for women experiencing hair loss are surgical hair transplantation and hair retention methods. Most women are not candidates for transplants because they lose their hair differently than men. While men tend to lose hair on the top of the head and in the crown area, leaving good “donor” hair in the back, women’s hair loss is generally more diffused over the entire head. Frequently, there is no good donor area available for transplantation.
Hair retention methods include scientifically proven and FDA-approved solutions to help with hair loss. Those methods include Rogaine and low level laser treatments. Rogaine is effective in stopping hair loss in the crown area, but re-growth statistics are significantly low, especially in the temple and hairline areas.
For women that are candidates, low level laser light has been proven to help stop hair loss and thicken the hair in all areas of the head. Laser programs such as the one offered by National Hair Centers utilize FDA cleared technology.
What’s the difference and how do you know what option is best for you? Scheduling a consultation with a local hair restoration center in your area is the perfect first step to exploring your options. One local company that has been treating hair loss solutions for women since 1975 is National Hair Centers in Phoenix, Arizona. If you are interested in more information about female hair loss solutions, check out www.nationalhair.com

A Family Story

I am the mother of four children and two step-children. I have a total of twelve grandchildren and a husband with mild Alzheimer's disease. Life is unusual to say the least.

Several years back, my second youngest son (who had been a successful model), was diagnosed with cancer. It was a form of Lymphoma and there was no cure. There was an experimental chemotherapy program but no one had yet survived it. Without this option my son had about three months to live.

As a mother I was horrified and deeply depressed and my son was ready to give up. After much discussion he agreed to participate in the experimental chemo program and did so in the State of Washington under the care of a wonderful doctor who kept our spirits high and gave us constant encouragement.

Long story short, the treatment was a success and my son has been cancer free for several years now. There was a major side effect though; he lost most of his hair and it never grew back. This would be a problem for most people, but to a model it was life altering.

A family member had heard about National Hair Centers through Hair Loss Confidential, a reality show about individuals dealing with hair loss and the wonderful solutions that they offer. We submitted our story about my son and shortly thereafter we were contacted to partake in the show. It was not going to be easy to convince my son to go along with the program since he wanted his own hair and nothing else would do. Eventually, National Hair Centers suggested that we do an intervention and our family agreed.

It consisted of several family members gathering to read personal letters that we had each written to my son and were going to read out loud. We told him that he would be attending a birthday party for my three year old granddaughter so he would show up. We scheduled his arrival to come after we had all gathered and when he walked in to the house the cameras started to roll.

To say that he was shocked would be putting it mildly. He had a look of disbelief on his face when we told him why he was actually there. As each of us read him our own letter the tears began to flow and everyone was moved and shocked at how much emotion we had all stored up concerning my son's plight.

The end result was that my son went to National Hair Centers and got a full head of hair that looks as natural as his own hair used to be. Actually, I thought it looked much better since they made him cut his hair in strange spiky hairdos when he worked in Europe as a model. This was an amazing, natural look for him and he was thrilled. National hair enters took many professional photos of my son (and believe me when I tell you that as a former model, he demands professionalism when getting his picture taken). I was amazed at how he looked and so was everyone else in our family circle.

My son now posts his pictures on social networking sites and goes out on a regular basis just like he used to do before his illness and treatment. No longer does he constantly wear a baseball cap or any other type of hat and what was once a bunch of clumps of sparse hair on his head is now a great head of hair.

I am so grateful to both Hair Loss Confidential and National Hair Centers that I wanted to blog about them. I am hoping that other people read this story and call them for help in changing their own lives. I will list their website addresses so that anyone who wants too can check out these amazing places:

Hairlossconfidential.tv

Nationalhair.com

Meri (Proud Mom)

Michael Jackson: The FIght For A Legacy

On the one hand, the family and fans of the late Michael Jackson are fighting to keep his image as the "King Of Pop" and the world's greatest entertainer alive. Many tributes and plans have been set in motion to ensure that Michael is remembered for his talent.

MTV ran a special this past weekend praising Michael and his music and radio stations everywhere are still playing Jackson songs all day and night. There is a huge birthday celebration planned for what would have been Michael's 51st birthday in Las Vegas. Many have spoken about Michael and their experiences with him on television and in newspapers and magazines. They speak with a reverence in their voices as if they had been touched by greatness simply by being in his presence. Many keep repeating, "He was so normal, so kind, so wonderful". Why is it necessary to constantly speak about his normalcy? Why the need to tell the world that Michael Jackson was a great humanitarian and lover of children? Could it be because the facts are starting to contradict the impressions that he left on those people who consider themselves so fortunate to simply have been in his presence?

Every day there are constant bits and pieces of information that expose Michael for the sad, miserable and fragile drug addict that he was. Every day a little bit more information leaks out about the vast amount of drugs that Michael was using and how he procured those drugs. There are tales of doctor shopping, paying vast sums of money to any doctor who would give Michael the drugs that he craved and as the investigation goes on, it is apparent that at the very least, some medical professionals will most certainly lose their licenses to practice. Some may even go to prison.

What should we believe and how should the real Michael Jackson be remembered? For the older fans Michael's talent is set in stone and no amount of truth will shake their faith in the proverbial Peter Pan of music. With these die hard fans his legacy will be one of reverence and awe. What about the younger generation who have only come to know Michael Jackson since his death? Will they only remember him for what they are currently seeing and hearing about his musical legacy or will they have to face the facts that Michael Jackson was a junkie who is just as responsible for his untimely death as the doctors who supplied him with the drugs he craved.

I believe that Michael Jackson is a very poor role model for the young people who are just discovering him. He had a lot of talent in his time on the planet but he was also a sick mess who walked around like one of the zombies portrayed in his "Thriller" video. How much of a father was Michael Jackson since he spent long hours either stoned out of his mind or in a coma-like sleep induced by a dangerous substance that he had no business using (Deprivan).

I would not want my grandchildren to emulate Michael Jackson nor would I want them to blindly worship him solely on the fact that he had a lot of talent. I would want them to know that along with that talent came a man who was twisted in many ways and not a good example to follow in their young lives. I would want them to know the whole truth about Michael Jackson.

Not everything about Michael was child-like and out of some fairy tale saga. He was NOT Peter Pan but more like the Pied Piper....children followed him to Neverland and some were never the same afterwards.

We will probably never know the whole truth about Michael Jackson's life, but I am sure that we will eventually know the truth about his death. It would be wise for all of us to pay attention and let his newest fans in on the secrets that are slowly spilling out about how Michael Jackson lived his life and who he really was.

Was he the hero of our fairy tales or the ogre who hides under the bed? I suspect that he was both.

The Bachelorette Finale

I keep asking myself why I continue to watch this show. It only ended happily ever after once and no self-respecting romantic can tolerate those odds. Yet, there I was after yet another weird season watching as two virtual strangers fall madly in love, get engaged and sail happily into the sunset.

Jillian Harris had a penchant for wrapping herself around her men...literally. She seemed like more of a hot number than the previous Bachelorette candidates and she wasn't as physically pretty as the others. Yet, Jillian had a lot of energy and personality and I guess American men are taken with the Canadian accent enough to fall madly in love (lust?) with her.

Three men proposed to her and two of them were rejected. After what appeared to be a lot of "scripting" for a so-called reality show and several delays, Jill chose Ed as her true love and tonight on "After The Final Rose" we will see if they are still together.

Based on previous shows we have several choices to look forward too.

(1.) They could have split during the three months apart since the filming of the show
2.) Jill could have reconsidered and picked one of the rejected men
3.) Ed may have changed his mind after seeing her make-out and profess love for his rivals on the very same day that she picked him over the others
4.) Someone (Ed) could have a girlfriend stashed back home (there are rumors on the Internet to this effect).

The list could go on and on but my bet is that they will stay "together" for a few months and we will than read that they have split up having mutually decided that they are better as friends.

As I began this blog...why do I continue to watch this farce of a show? Maybe because I want it to be real and I want it to have the happy ending that is promised. Maybe it's because I like to watch train wrecks and my curiosity gets the best of me? I have no idea why I watch. At least when I watch shows like "I Love New York", I know that they are fake as hell and that most of the participants are actors or others trying to pursue a career in the entertainment field. At least I do not allow myself to be fooled by over-zealous producers and hosts who look right into the camera lens and lie to the audience about the sincerity of the show.

There was no hair pulling, spitting, copious amounts of vulgarity or stripper poles on The Bachelorette but that didn't make it any more real than what I watch on Vh1 which is known for hokey, low rent shows with characters straight out of Jerry Springer.

Wouldn't it be a surprise if Jillian Harris and Ed (can't spell or pronounce his last name), really stayed together and got married? I'd love to see another Trista and Ryan storyline....but that's the operative word here...STORYLINE and I should be used to it by now.

Well, off to the next dose of fake reality for me and yes, I'll be back to watch the next Bachelor too. It's addicting.

Michael Jackson: What really killed him...And Who?

Tonight a "source" both close to the Jackson and family and the current investigation into his death claims that Dr. Conrad Murray did indeed administer the potentially deadly drug Diprivan within a 24 hour period prior to Michael Jackson's death.

Whether this "source" is accurate or not, I am wondering if they will be able to detect the drug in Michael's blood, liver and brain so many hours after it was given to him. Diprivan dissipates within a few hours after it is given.

It was reported that Michael's stomach contents were devoid of any food and only contained pills at the time of his autopsy. Will this unravel the mystery of why Michael Jackson's heart stopped beating?

What were those pills and when did Michael ingest them? The answer to that question could make a world of difference to Dr. Murray and his future. If Dr. Murray hung an IV solution of Diprivan and monitored Michael while he was unconscious than it is possible that Michael woke up when the IV solution ran out and that he was alive at the time. If Michael woke up and ingested or shot up some other powerful drug or drugs it could have caused his death from an accidental overdose of several different substances who's properties interacted with one another causing his death.

I wonder if we will ever know the full story of what actually happened to Michael and if anyone will ever know who was responsible for his demise. Of course if the "source" is accurate Dr. Murry will be held responsible for giving Michael the Diprivan whether it killed him or not since he was not trained to do so and the setting was not conducive to giving an anesthetic.

Was it solely the work of an untrained doctor who had no business administering Diprivan or, Michael himself feeding his addiction or a combination of both?

I personally am anxious to hear the toxicology report and other related tests because the speculation is fueling a media cycle that is out of control and sensationalistic beyond what the media even imagined. The media lives and breathes for stories such as this and the sudden death Michael has allowed them to hit the mother-lode of speculative tabloid-like reporting. More talking heads are earning a buck than I have ever seen and more cable anchors and hosts are making a name for themselves on the sad moment when Michael Jackson finally ingested or shot up his last fix.

It's almost like this story and all of it's sorted aspects are some kind of huge surprise to the media....like they had no idea that Michael Jackson could be the new Marilyn Monroe, Elvis or Heath Ledger. The biggest shock is that they are shocked.

Michael was playing Russian roulette with his body for a long time and his dying was not the big story here. If there had been no Conrad Murray and no Dirprivan there would only be a sad legacy of a talented man who died from an "accidental over-dose". It would have died out in due time and the only legacy would have been Michael's body of work. It would have succeeded beyond even his wildest dreams and taken care of his family for years to come.

What we have instead is an example of waste, personal degradation and addiction; an all too familiar tale of the famous becoming a victim of their fame and going down in shame rather than in a fond remembrance of what once was and what could have been again.

Michael's children will only be temporally shielded from the excesses of their beloved father and even though they will never stop loving him they will one day have to understand that he chose drugs over them. He chose to get high rather than get healthy to raise them and guide them into adulthood. I pity them when the day comes that they find out that they were thrown away for a temporary high.

No matter how the Jackson's paint their father and how much wonderful music he left behind, the simple truth is that Michael Jackson loved his drugs more than he loved anyone else and in the end, they became his life.

Those drugs became his reason for living and without them he could not function. Sadly for all concerned, the drugs let him down as they always do and Michael like so many before him thought that he could beat the odds....win the battle on his own terms.

Sadly, this is never the case and now three little children are forced to live in a world that they knew nothing of and were thrust into by the actions and needs of their father who promised to love them and protect them.

I do not believe that they will find the love and affection that they once knew with their late father. As dysfunctional as their life was, the Jackson family is not the united group that it likes to portray to the outside world. I can only hope that his beloved children can overcome what they will undoubtedly have to face in the days and years to come.